and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
