I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
