Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
