If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
