I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
this is an emotional support booty call
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
