I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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