Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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