i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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