i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
