the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
