So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it because I queefed?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Never underestimate the power of titties
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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