I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
