"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
