I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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