My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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