i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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