For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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