He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was like eating out sand paper
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
