youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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