I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
