Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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