that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
