I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
