And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have fence marks all over my body
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
