This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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