I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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