He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
