If that was your dad, he is hot
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and she was petting her beer can
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
