wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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