He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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