Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
