dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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