You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
