8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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