NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Mom said you looked used
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
