GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
