She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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