Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we made out on top of his cat.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
