haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
