am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
