You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
