Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
