Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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