This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
