I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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