Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
