i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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