and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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