I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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