I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
