He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
