The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
