I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
