you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
